Healing Conversations

I'm an enneagram three - which, if you don't know, is the kind of personality type that is somewhat shape-shifty. My superpower (and my downfall) is that I can walk into a room and after a very brief interaction, figure out immediately what each person would like from me; that guy over there? Wants to be acknowledged briefly, then left alone. That woman on the couch? Wants a buddy to have a cosy chat with. That dude wants me to notice his cool outfit, while that person would

Undertaking a deconstruction journey necessitates the critique of the faith we inherited or adopted - and this includes examining the behaviours of those that were in a position of influence or leadership. It's not usually too tricky to point to things that someone else said or did that impacted us or those around us in a negative way. I remember as I started my faith renegotiation, it felt so freeing to finally express out loud that the people I had loved and admired and res

Once I started pulling on the thread of deconstruction, it started a process of unravelling that has continued for over 20 years. At the start of my journey, I was a worship pastor, working for an evangelical church. Now, I attend church every couple of weeks. Sometimes when I attend services, I am relaxed and enjoy the vibe. Other times, I feel wary and on-guard. I recently attended a service where they asked everyone to pray for someone near them and I was suprised to find

You sit in church week-in and week-out, you smile and nod at people, serve in various ministries, but in the back of your mind, you have questions. Is this what Jesus meant when he talked about church? Does the bible really say that about women? Is this just all a performance? There seems to be a misconception that deconstruction is an arrival point and a break with faith altogether, as in, 'I've deconstructed and now I'm no longer a Christian'. But the reality is that the jo

You've experienced stuff in church life and now you're angry. Good. The anger is important. For many of us, our church experiences have meant denying or squashing or invalidating our anger. If we've been brave enough to voice our anger, we may have been encouraged to 'let go and let God' (whatever that means). Many churches cultivate an atmosphere of spiritual bypassing - encouraging people to gloss over their pain and deep feelings by forgiving, having 'faith', and slapping

I've been in some form of deconstruction for the past 20 years - this isn't a new concept or process for me. But since starting to work with clients in the religious trauma/deconstruction space, I have started posting thoughts on social media as a way to let people know that this is one of my specialities. Naturally, this has meant that I've started fielding questions about my journey, which is to be expected. What I didn't expect, however, is how I feel about said questions.

Ouch. This one's really hard. You've started asking questions, thinking critically about the religion you inherited or adopted, but your partner isn't in the same place as you. Even though we tend to think of faith renegotiation as a personal thing, deconstructing can set a bomb off in the middle of a relationship! If we stop to think about it, it actually makes a lot of sense. Many of us met our partners in faith-based spaces, with shared beliefs - or at least assumptions of

Being a classic Enneagram 3 (hyper-aware of the opinions of others and constantly seeking approval), I’m not totally sure I would’ve started a deconstruction journey if my friends hadn’t. I was surrounded with BFFs on staff at a church who started asking big questions and challenging long-held assumptions, and because it was not taboo to do so in that friendship circle, I too let my brain off the leash. But what are you meant to do when you start having questions and doubts,

Deconstruction has been somewhat of a buzz word in religious spaces for many years now, and along with a million definitions, there can be found a million different opinions about it; it's good and right, it's wrong and bad - and everything in between. I prefer to term my own deconstruction journey as a renegotiation of my faith - it feels like a forward-moving, positive, growth term instead of a 'set fire and watch it burn' kind of thing. About 20-years ago (good lord, feeli

By Deb Hargrove We got given a pool this summer and it has CHANGED MY LIFE!! It’s nothing flash, a well-loved above-ground pool, but it...

By Deb Hargrove I didn’t grow up in a church that ever really took much notice of the church calendar, apart from Easter and Christmas,...

By Deb Hargrove For Valentine’s Day this year, Caleb bought the 500-piece puzzle version of the Jaws movie poster for us to do together....

By Deb Hargrove From as early as I can remember, I have wanted to be important – like celebrity grade important. The best way to achieve...

By Deb Hargrove There have been several occasions over the past five and a half years that Caleb and I have started a conversation about...